No 8 - The Hawksbill Turtle

Isha: (Puts on interview glasses) Today we hear from Bill. Hi Bill, thank you for joining us.

Bill: My pleasure Isha. Kinda roomy in your imagination here.

Isha: Thanks- just don’t move anything. (Shifts in chair as Bill puts down the gold lantern on the side table) So Bill- you’ve been classified as ‘Critically Endangered’ on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species?

Bill: Right.

Isha: How does that feel?

Bill: Well… its happened so gradually you know? There’s always been old bits of netting about the place… people wanting to take our eggs for their mantel pieces or something. Weird if you ask me. The weirdest bit is tourists interrupting our lovemaking- can I say that? Its supposed to be a private moment people- don’t do that!

Isha: That’s awkward- would kinda kill the moment.

Bill: Right! And its been getting harder and harder. Everyone thinks- 'you live in tropical waters, its warm- what’s there to complain about?' Well- the other day I almost swallowed some shinny thing on top of the sponge I was eating. My life flashed before my eyes cause it turned out to be metal- something heavy and hard anyway. I could have died you know? We’re gonna have to learn the heimlich maneuver to stay alive.

Isha: There’s a lot of marine debris out there.

Bill: That’s right- and it looks delicious.

Isha: Now… I read that you’re being hunted?

Bill: That’s right. I’m a target. People want to make me into jewelery. When I first saw my look on the catwalks and the trashy magazines that some of my sisters read, I thought it was flattering. I was like Mum- look! That looks like Uncle Tito’s shell... And then I realized I hadn’t seen Uncle Tito in like- a loooong time.

Isha: You mean…?

Bill: Yup. Not cool.

Isha: That’s devastating… I’m sorry. So what can we do?

Bill: Don’t buy tortoise shell- the fake stuff is fine just not the real shell.

Isha: Thank you for sharing.

Bill: Sure.

Isha: Bill the Hawksbill Turtle people. (Isha wonders why she couldn’t come up with a more interesting name for Hawksbill Turtle Bill… or a better ending. Yikes. Maybe no one noticed…?)